Update #8 - Desperate measures!

Hmmm, so someone is looking for an update ... 

Let me start off with saying dieting sucks and even if I promised myself (plus world and dog) that I'm on the right track twice now over the past 2 months I've been doing diddly squat about the eating thing. 

Personally I think I'm the world's foremost expert on dieting and living healthy after reading approximately 1 brazillion books and websites on the subject but do you guys think I do anything about it? Nope, nada, fuckall, zilch! 

At least I'm trying during the week but there will always be at least 2 days in the week that I totally fuck-up everything and eat like a demon. Things are now so bad that I'm actually considering the following options ... 

1. Follow a low-fat, vegan like plant based diet ... maybe something like the Engine 2 diet but in all honesty I'm not ready to give up cheese, youghurt or the odd chicken breast! 
2. Join a monastery in India, commit a white-collar crime and get locked up in a low-security prison or join a wood-cutting crew and live in the woods in some far-off wilderness 
3. Wait for the freaking aliens to finally arrive and hope they have some sort of fat-zapping device! 

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm gatvol of trying to live my life according to what "the norm" is supposed  to be ... I do realise that I'm a big ugly fat fuck and I do know I'll probably die of a heart-attack earlier than my super fit friends but I'll get over this shitty fat 30-year phase of my life doing it my way. 

Before I totally go off at a tangent and sound like a bitter old fatty who missed his evening cookie I honestly hope I achieve this goal before I actually die of a heart-attack and I do hope my friends (and anonymous web followers) keep on supporting me and kick me in the arse every now and then ... just don't expect miracles overnight and just accept the fact that no matter how I look I'm actually quite happy with myself (even if some of my previous posts might indicate otherwise) so fuckit, just let me be!!! I'll get there eventually! 

Having spend a significant portion of my day yesterday walking around Nasrec at JIMS listening to 2 close ( and much, much slimmer and trimmer) friends moan and bitch almost the whole fucking day about being tired of walking and standing around and other warra-warra shit, this whole "What-the-Fuck ???" attitude slowly dawned on me and made me realise I'm actually in a happy place at this moment in my life so fuck the rest (plus world and dog) 

Will update this blog one day when I feel like it ... I'm now going to lie on the couch and eat a fucking cookie! 

Update #7 - Special Announcement

Holy crap! Nearly a month since my last update!!!

Anyway, as most of you has gathered by now, I've been pussy footing around for the past 4-5 weeks and all I can say is ...

Enough is Enough!!!!

As of yesterday I'm full taps back on my diet and if anybody who knows me personally sees me cheating I hereby give you full permission to give me the PK of my life (for those not familiar with a PK, it's basically a bitch slap, only several orders of magnitude harder!)

Luckily while effing around I don't think I've gained too much weight (although I haven't lost anything either) ... last weigh in 2 weeks ago I was still hovering roundabout the 168kg region. This Biggest Loser contest at work basically has 3 months left (September, October, November) and losing another 18kg in that time seems a breeze ... I just need to get my fucking lazy ass in gear!!!

This all just goes to show how much it can hurt to cheat only for 2-3 days in a row (as discussed in update #5) ... by all means have your cheat day once in a while but stick to one day and not a whole damn weekend  like I did, it only led to my downfall. Talking of cheat days, I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks (and my dad's in November) so please, any PK privileges you think you might have over me are null and void on those 2 days ... they are currently scheduled as my official cheat days for the next 3 months. (and basically my only 2 reasons for living from my current perspective!) 

So ja, please wish me luck and hold thumbs!!! 

Will report back soon ... 

Update #6 - Brain dead food craving

Sheez, probably high time that I update this thingemajig ... last time around I was moaning about the 7 B's and how it influenced my weekend, I was also probably trying to bullshit the bulshitter by mentioning how motivated I was but unfortunately that feeling only lasted a couple of days.

My brain dead problem started with my weigh in on the 23rd of July which showed that I dropped another 2,5 kilos against all expectations, notwithstanding the fact that I have been eating like a pig the previous weekend (no disrespect towards pigs intended, in actual fact I wish I was a pig!!!) ... that meant that I was now down to 168.8kg with a total of 17.4kg lost in roughly 7 weeks. This whole debacle triggered a series of unfortunate events, all of them roughly based on my brain dead thoughts of how on earth did I still lose weight even when eating in total contradiction to my eating plan?

Needless to say the last 2 weeks were a real struggle and although I have been following my prescribed diet quite rigorously during the day it's in the evenings when I simply can't stop thinking about food. After eating my allowed dinner early in the evening, 2 hours later I just go berserk and ransack my cupboards for anything edible! This whole scenario leads in nicely into my second all time über important dieting tip ...

Tip #2 - Don't keep sweets or chips or chocolates or cream cakes or anything nasty in the house while you're on a diet!!!

Luckily for me that is exactly the scenario in my humble old pozzie so the only things I could get hold of are mostly things like Pro-vita, fat free cottage cheese, Tussers and tons and tons of fruit (with the odd Wacky Wednesday or Quarter Pounder with cheese thrown in to the mix) ... so in my defense, the very least I can say is that I have been cheating semi-healthily (I say semi because it's never a good idea to munch after let's say 9 in the evening ... your metabolic rate slows down to crawl while sleeping so even if you consume something healthy it's not really benefiting you if you are asleep. Off course chowing a quarter pounder is also never a healthy choice )

So it's been 2 weeks since my last weigh in, I haven't eaten according to plan, my exercise goals are basically non-existant at this stage (how freaking cold has it been the past week? Flippen hell ... nobody in his right mind can contemplate exercise in this weather) and to top it all off I think I have a deep seated psychological eating disorder! Damn I need to get my head straight!

Anyway, I have a scheduled appointment this morning to go see what the damage is but I forgot all about the  Aussie All Blacks clash so together with the info in the preceding paragraphs I think it's better to postpone any weigh-in sessions I have planned for this weekend and rather take this time to get motivated again so ja, please wish me luck!!!

Pretty short update this week I know, sorry but tough luck (the game is about to kick off so please give me a break!) I'll update next week after a weigh in and hopefully with my head screwed in straight this time ... in the meantime I'll leave you with a website that is well worth visiting, www.livestrong.com (I've added the link in the websites page for future reference) but in particular this blog entry ... Glenda's Story. If something like that doesn't inspire me I don't know!

So cheers, enjoy your week (especially if you have a 96 hour weekend) and remember Smile Dammit!